Have you ever made a decision you thought would fix everything… only to find yourself more broken afterward?
When I found out I was pregnant, I was in shock. I told myself,” This isn’t happening”. I was scared. Desperate. I thought if I had an abortion, maybe I could erase the part of my life I didn’t want — like editing out a scene in a movie. I thought it would be over quickly, and I could just move on. No one had to know. I could keep it between me and God, ask for forgiveness, and start fresh.
So I made the only choice I thought I had… and I had an abortion.
And then I buried it. Deep.
But it didn’t go away.
Every time the memories surfaced, I’d ask God — again and again — to forgive me. Then I’d bury it all over again, hoping the pain would eventually disappear. But it never did.
The truth is… I needed healing. And God wanted to heal me.
Over the years, the weight of what I buried started to show. The joyful, light-hearted person I used to be became harder and harder to find. I smiled on the outside, but inside, I was angry. Sad. Cynical. I felt distant from God — like I’d messed up too badly to ever be close to Him again.
One night, numb and empty, I finally prayed the only honest thing I could:
“God, I am so far from the woman You created me to be. Please… make me into who You created me to be.”
Then I went to sleep.
But God wasn’t done with me.
He sent someone into my life who gently walked with me on a path toward healing. And it was only then — when I reached out for help — that I truly began to heal.
I used to think forgiveness was enough. But I didn’t realize how deep the wound really went… and how much I needed healing.
Thank God I got help.
I didn’t stay stuck in that place.
I found freedom — and you can too.
